Expectations, with Dating

In the Beginning

No, this ain’t going Biblical. Or… will it?
You see, I know that when it comes to first dates, second dates and all the subsequent dates in the beginning of getting to know someone, our culture seems to have a TON of expectations in place. And as much as I want to say that I have no expectations… that’s only partially true.

Generally Speaking – No Expectations

When I meet someone, especially for the first time, I come to the table with no expectations. I have even learned (still learning) not to try and determine what the end game will be. Ultimately, I want things to be natural and honest to the chemistry / connection that is or is not found along the way.

• So, there are no expectations
  I do not walk in expecting that there will be any specific types of interactions or engagements. Not expecting sex, fooling around, kissing or even a hug. I want to respect their time, their energy and their space, with no demands in place for anything.
• There are also no limitations
  By this, I mean that I will not try to limit or restrict the chemistry / connection either. I do not follow rules like “no kissing on the first date” or “no sex until date #25” – or any of those arbitrary social rules. If the chemistry / connection leads somewhere and we are both of a consenting mindset, then I am free to engage as things may lead.

However, some expectations are in play

Where I do have expectations, they are minimal… and honestly, serve a purpose.

• Show Up.
  If we’ve made plans, I do expect you will show up. Sure, things do come up, and that’s totally understandable. When that happens, communication matters. Don’t just no show or ghost. I will respect your time, and I do expect that my time is respected as well.
• Dutch.
  Unless otherwise agreed, I do expect that we will share in the financial portion of whatever we are doing. The main reason for this is to remove the social pressure of expectations… “because he bought me dinner.” No, the only exchange going on here is an exchange of time and energy (conversations are actually an exchange of energy, btw.)
• Laughter.
  Ok, so this is a minimal one, and actually more of a hope than an expectation… But I want the time together to be one that is free, fun and engaging. Sure, if we are meeting about something serious, the tone will set the mood. But generally speaking, I do prefer to laugh as much as is possible.
• Mutual Respect.
  As I mentioned before, I will respect your time, and do expect the same in return. But beyond that, there should be mutual respect given in all areas.

Expectations Pre-Date

This gets a little tricky, but as we are both adult humans, it is the expectation that we can have some adult conversations. Dating (as in actual dating and not just friends getting together) has the potential for sexual connection. Sometimes, it can hit faster than anticipated, as if often described as “I don’t usually do this” – But that is a reality. So, there is some level of expectation that we can discuss things that we should both know about.

For example… STI status. Protection protocols. General limits. And maybe even some general desires.

None of this is intended to “guarantee” something will happen! Its being proactive so that if something does, we already know we’re on the same page as to what can be and should be in place.

Good intentions say that we should stop and talk about those things in the moment. Wisdom says that passion and biology sometimes will trump the mind, so it’s probably best to have some level playing field, just in case.

Beyond that – there truly are no expectations on MY end

A lot of this is based around good communication and mutual respect. Ultimately, I want someone I am seeing to feel comfortable and safe when they are with me. Even if I desire them in the worst way… I want them to want me instead of giving into me. Huge difference.

How About You?

Now… this is my side of things, but I am not the only one involved here.
So, what are your expectations? What do I need to know?